He Liked It, So He Put a Ring on It... (A Guide to Early Engagement Expectations)

Most importantly and first of all, CONGRATULATIONS!
I'm assuming if you're now engaged, that you actually WANT to be married in the sometime future. So awesome!
(for those who are wearing the rock for any of the following reasons: gold-digging, public proposal made you feel the pressure to accept, feeling obligated but don't really like the dude, you got knocked up and your parents are forcing you to have a "shotgun wedding" - go home and rethink your life. Or rather just your engagement. You should love your significant other, desire to be with them, and be committed. If that's not you, you might want to seriously reconsider - the future of your marriage is at stake. So serious business, people.)

So, now that that's out of the way, a few quick notes:

1. While I will touch on the start of the Planning process, this is more intended as a Guide for What to Expect during your early engagement period. I'll do a full Planning post later on, so keep an eye out for that when it comes if you want to know more!
              
2. While I may say a pronoun (him, her, you) that may not necessarily be applicable to you, I mean no offense by it. I understand every person has their own significant other and individual circumstances surrounding their future marriage, planning and so on. So just take that with a grain of salt, as needed. And possibly with a tequila chaser. Goes with the salt.

Alrighty then, all on the same page now? Swell!

So today we're talking about what you should expect now that you're all twitterpated and making that BIG next step. You're engaged! You said yes! WOO! Yes, you're engaged! Oh my goodness... so much to do, family, expectations, wedding, life, GAH!

Settle down! Take a deep breath and keep reading! I promise it will all be ok. I won't let you down.

All the Feels - What Next?

Let's just put it this way... Prepare to feel:

Emotional - Any big step in your life is bound to be tied to many emotions, often mixed. While engagement typically involves lots of happy, excited, lovey-dovey emotions, don't be surprised if there are others vying for your attention as well. Maybe you're a little sad because your mom, who passed away a couple years ago, won't be able to be there. Maybe you're annoyed because of the way he decided to propose (let's just say that for me, being sweaty in tennis shoes and being eaten by mosquitoes wasn't 100% ideal for me...). Maybe you're worried because your family is old fashioned and he didn't ask for their blessing before popping the question.

Overall, there may be lots of emotions swirling around in your head and making you feel overwhelmed. THAT'S OK. That's normal. Embrace it and carry on.

Worried or Overwhelmed - Going hand in hand with that emotional side, there are many reasons the glittery joy may fade sooner than expected. There's a lot of stress and anxiety that goes into planning a wedding. Of course, you may choose to elope, or maybe you already have your perfect wedding already planned with your significant other (S.O. as you'll see them referred to in many many other blogs and magazines and soul-sucking "help" books), or maybe you know you want a simple jog down to the courthouse with a handful of your best peeps and call it good. 

However, whether it's traditional or non, marriage is an important milestone for most folks. That means there tends to be a lot of pressure internally, by family and friends, you S.O., your S.O.'s family... you get the picture. 

And though it may feel like a giant clash is in your future over whatever minute detail comes to pass, take a deep breath and remember that in the end, it's about you and your S.O. That's it.

Hunny-buns, Mother told me to give you this gift if you refused her seating chart again...

Rushed to Start Planning - "Everyone knows..." "Tradition dictates..." "In following good wedding etiquette..."  For the most part, whenever you see or hear something like this, just slap on a smile, nod and then do whatever the f...udge you want to do anyway. Truth: Weddings (on the scale they are nowadays) were NEVER that big until a little thing called the Roaring 20's came along. Then everyone had to out-do each other. If you're following "Tradition" you'd get married in your front 'parlor' in your best church clothes, just you, your S.O., the preacher man and maybe your parents. 

Honestly, you have plenty of time (even if you want to get married within the next couple of months), so settle your shit down and don't freak out about planning yet, ok? You JUST got engaged for goodness sakes! Tell those planning pushers to take a chill pill and give you some space for a minute or two.

Annoyed... at the same twelve questions that everyone and the FedEx guy are going to ask you - Just a fair warning to you all - you will be asked to show "the ring" to EVERYONE! Yes, even the FedEx guy. Not lying, that totally happened to me.
Side note - whether you have a ring or not, is TOTALLY fine. Don't feel bad if you don't have a ring yet, or are going non-traditional and decide not to have one. It's your and your S.O.'s life, and your choices. Don't let other people make you feel bad about something that is supposed to be symbolic anyway.
Then prepare to be asked by practically everyone and their dog:

• "Oh, congrats! Can I see the ring?"
  (sees it) (proceeds to tell you how much they love it, even if their face is lying to you about their judgy true feelings)
           
• "Wow! Are you excited?"
  This is a stupid question. But surprisingly one that gets asked more than you'd think. While it may feel like they're subtly trying to probe you for deeper answers aka "are you totally preggers?", test out the smiling in the face of stupidity and feel free to gush happily. Unless it's a really close friend or family member you trust, don't reveal any doubts or negative thoughts. Everyone and their dog don't really need to know - plus they may just gossip about it later. Those bitches. The dogs, I mean.
      
• "When's the wedding going to be?" Can you say: um, I just got engaged YESTERDAY, dude. By the way, it's totally fine to say polite answers along the lines of seasons you enjoy and 'think' the wedding may be (you can always change your mind later), that you're still talking to the S.O. about it, or that it's all still new and you haven't talked about it yet. Or, you know, the less polite answer of "None of your damn business, nosy bitch I hardly know, and NO you're not invited."
                   
• "Am I invited?"
  (usually followed by joking laugh) - refer to answer options from the bullet point above.
             
• (insert advice here)
  In case you were wondering, EVERYONE has an opinion about wedding planning (says the person writing a blog about engagement and wedding planning...) and though most mean well, a lot of it will be stuff you either don't want to hear, don't care about or don't want to worry about yet. You JUST got engaged for goodness sakes! So again, smile and nod and say "thank you" but don't feel any obligation to do anything they say. Even if it's your family telling you - though they may have a little more say than the FedEx guy. Then again, maybe not. That FedEx guy sure is worldly after all.

So... What Do I DO About It?

Great question! So glad you asked. Here's my expert advice:

First of all, RELAX!

This is something I actually didn't do when I first got engaged. I was so excited and so overwhelmed with all the feels (refer to section above) that I jumped headfirst into planning. By the time I slowed down and took a moment to process the excitement and good advice I read about later (telling me to relax), I'd missed that opportunity. If you're like me and you've already jumped into planning mode, that's ok. Know it's not the end! And still follow this advice (you know, if you feel like it).

If you just got engaged, my BIGGEST first advice is to relax and take a couple weeks, or even a month, depending on how soon you're wanting to get married, and ENJOY being engaged. Enjoy staring at your ring all the time, enjoy dates with your fiancé (yes you will get used to saying that - it's the 'husband'/'wife' that's weirder later on), enjoy the attention, and enjoy not worrying about planning for a little while. You have PLENTY of time.

Honestly, you may even make a rule of "NO wedding planning" until a designated time you both agree on. Save up those ideas in a box or on your phone/computer for when it's time to start.

DO Plan "You" Time

Don't forget to schedule time for yourself. That means time to relax and refresh, NOT to do more planning on your own. Go get a massage, go enjoy a day with the girlfriends for mani/pedis (you will be showing off that ring hand a lot, so if you like the pretty nails, not a bad idea - though not REQUIRED as so many planning-pushers will tell you).
Also don't forget to still go on dates! Planning is stressful so don't let yourself get so worked up and so dug into the future that you forget to enjoy the present. You both need time "away" to enjoy each other without the stress for a bit. 

I will admit, as a planner and a bit of an obsessive-personality type, this was VERY hard for me. But also BECAUSE I'm like that, I realize the true value and need for it as well.

Communicate! (especially if you have worries or fears)

Generally, you just need to communicate. Always. In every relationship. Honestly, all sarcasm and snark aside, I believe communication is the #1 factor to successful relationships. Not that other things aren't important as well- love, trust, commitment, humor, etc. But this is especially good when you first get engaged and throughout the planning process, as well as in your marriage. Did I mention I think it's the best thing always?

Of course, keep in mind a little tact goes a long way. But when you have some worries and fears about marriage and wedding planning or general insecurities, don't hide them. Don't feel ashamed. Don't feel alone in having those feelings. EVERYONE who plans a wedding goes through it, I promise you. So talk to your person. After all, they're the one you want to spend your life with right? If you can't talk to them... well that would make for a rather weird relationship sitting in silence all day... what do you people DO with your time? Sheesh.

Try to have patience

I know, not always the easiest advice to follow. Particularly with those nosy dogs and FedEx guys and all their annoying, repetitive questions. But it's practice for when you're pregnant (if applicable) and fending off all those question-askers again as well as the ninja skills dodging the belly-touchers. 

And the Planning Begins...

Ok, I know I promised to have another, more fleshed out post about the Planning process. But for now, I'll just give you a couple quick tips to get you started. AFTER you take that time to enjoy the engagement, and amidst the wedding ideas and gathering, you'll start the planning. 

Here's the most important things to keep in mind before and when you get going.

Oh my God, where's the ring! I just had it on my finger!!!

Decide What's Most Important

Sit down with your S.O. after a little thought and make a little list of what you each think is the most important parts of your wedding you CAN'T live without. Keep in mind, when it comes to the details, people attending to your wedding aren't going to necessarily notice or remember the little details - they'll remember how the wedding FEELS to them. So think about how you want it to feel and what will make it that way.
For example, when the hubby and I did this, it was most important for me to have my close family there (not always a priority for everyone), good food was a must, and I wanted it to be casual. The hubs (that's totes a great nickname, don't lie) agreed with those points and added that he wanted elements that were unique to us as a couple (theatre influences and a LOT of How I Met Your Mother references ended up being just the key)

(apparently I like GIFs today... You're welcome)

In any case, decide what is MOST important and you must have. Then tell yourself that if a detail doesn't fall into the realm of those TOP things, it's ok if it isn't perfect or to cut it altogether. Because honestly, no one freaking cares if you have lilac satin seat covers with the ivory bows. I give you that freedom - the freedom to look at the little things and say "I don't care."
You're welcome.

Set a Budget

This is really integral to the rest of your wedding planning. First, so you don't spend your children's future college money on a one-day event. Second, so you can have a LITTLE less stress when the decisions come later. Yes, money is a huge stress factor. But if you realize how much you can spend and which parts are most important to you (see section above) then you can more easily say no to the ridiculously expensive crap that's in the "I don't care" category. 

If your parents are helping you pay for the wedding (or covering it entirely) work with them to set an appropriate budget. Keep in mind, parents holding the purse strings means they are entitled to more of a say on the wedding details. So understand there may be some compromises in your future- but hey, that's just practice for the marriage!

The truly, real, professional Wedding Budget Venn Diagram... pay attention.

Set a Date

Please note, this doesn't necessarily mean setting an EXACT date right away. It's fine to start out with a season or month you're thinking about. Maybe have a couple dates you'd be willing to do. This, along with the budget, are good starting points for the start of the planning search. Before you can plan for any of the other details, you're going to need to know when it is (weather, availability at your perfect venue, indoor/outdoor options, how many guests you want to pay for love and would bless your wedding with their presence, potential discounts for off-season weddings, etc.)

Keep in mind important dates to avoid - major holidays, family birthdays or death-days (you laugh, but this can be a real no-no for some people). Certain times of year cost more. Or parts may cost more. For example - have your wedding on Mother's Day weekend, know that flowers are going to be HELLA expensive. Just something to keep in mind.

Yep, Tax Day it is!

   
A Friendly Warning: When you start your wedding planning and "inspiration gathering" of ideas, beware the Pinterest. While incredibly helpful at times, it's a two edged sword. A beast with two heads, if you will. Yes, take inspiration. Yes, get ideas for things you like and don't like. Yes, gather the money-saving tricks and tips and so on. BUT, and heed my warning, dear reader, be careful not to fall into the trap of the beast. DIY is fun and pretty but have you ever been crafty? Yes? Well go ahead then, but choose wisely which projects to take on. No? If you have a crafty friend willing to help, that's nice. Otherwise, it's FINE to let the professionals do it. Or, decided if you want or need that element at your wedding in the first place.
Overall, just be careful not to get too wrapped up in the Pinterest-perfect wedding. It doesn't exist. The photos are lying to you. Like Photoshop. (Whaaa!? Next you're going to tell me there's no Santa!)

          

That's all for now! I hope this post helps you in your Early Engagement period and reminds you that you're not alone in the crazy ups and downs that come with everything pre-wedding related. Keep calm and remember - it's just one day. All will be well.

Thanks! Feel free to comment below with any responses you may have, questions, and (of course) comments. That's why it's called the "comment" section, after all. *mind blown* See - learning all kinds of awesome things today. You're welcome.